Friday, November 18, 2005

Dear Minor Birds

Dear Minor Birds,

You are annoying and make my cat cry. She cries like a cat should not, and I really need to remind her that she is in fact, A CAT and is much more lethal than I. You have made her crawl into her bed sadly and feeling like she is not the cat she used to be.
The crying and such occurs when you attack her, swoop and yell at her. You may also throw assorted garbage at her from the telvision aerial, but this I cannot prove as it is from an unreliable source.
Please do not nest in my nextdoor neighbours gutter next Spring or I will not try to revive a baby that may fall out of your nest, like I tried to last Spring.
And guess what birdies? It DIED. And my cat? She would've eaten it if I let her. That's how mighty and feline-esque she is. She really does eat birds like you for breakfast, and I do not condone her actions.

I have been attending to the crying cat in distress one too many times and you will leave her alone or you will face the cats mommy. I know you fear me because you? Can smell baby minor bird on me. You know, the one that died? Yeah, that one.
And my cat? She stays here. Deal bitches!

Love,
The cat's mommy.

(I don't think Minor Birds read blogs, so they'll never hear this threat, which means I expect no change whatsoever. Though, they are screaming and planning attack outside right now. I can hear it.)